Stirring

Garlic and parsley and red onion. The pot boils. I can't stop the torrent, the lack of knowing, the way to stop the constant skirmishing, the constant backlog of how things got this way and how impossible it can be to change anything. For the third day I woke up and couldn't think. This is beginning to be tiresome and so I make soup. I clean rooms and make soup and plead. This is tiresome so I think maybe outside would be better. If only we could be outside and there would be some remedy on the wind, that the hot, humid air might hold the secret to the puzzle of how we don't fit and how we can't fit, so we clash and screech and cry. All three and me just like a baby. Marking time till something relieves me from this paralyzed spot and I finish this and I stand again. Someone is stuck in a chair.

Meatball Sandwiches

For my part, there is a warm smell in most of the house and the children gently play with tiny animals and put tiny animal things in the houseplants and creep around speaking lightly with voices almost whispering. The cat howls, never satisfied with the food or going out or coming in.

Today I attended a seminar in what education in the Dominican Tradition means. I have a cold in the hot heat and my chest feels weighted. I'm tired and Don Quixote seems to call out to me, like a whiny telepathic, to follow him and his squire through the beginning. Sassy Cervantes. I plumb the dregs and think of the sonnets I might set as a prologue to whatever it is that will mark me in history as something more than future soil. That's cheerful.
I have been sleeping poorly, something wedged in my sleep making my dreams bright and painful and sequential in a way that only makes sense while I am still half asleep. This morning I was making some excuse about this ancient bowl crumbling in my hand and putting shards of clay into the salsa I had made and was serving to friends who looked with strange compassion on me as I set down the dish on a watery table. In real life the phone was ringing and ringing. I feel so tired and my eyes are burning from the residual onion vapor hanging in the air.

What's more...That's the same as always. Another Wednesday.